Yes, I tend to be quite pensive at certain points in my life, and this is one of those periods in my life. This is what I have come up with so far regarding the walk and being disappointed:
I don't want to have high expectations because I set myself up for disappointment, but the reason I have expectations is because I am optimistic and I want to believe the best out of people
I feel I should be clear and re-iterate that it's not the fact that they didn't show that upsets me. It's that they said they would come and didn't. I have confronted both people about this (my disappointment, hurt, and anger) and with regard to one of them. I trekked to Chinatown on a late Thursday night BY MYSELF to see his band play, only to be ignored because his insecure girlfriend was there. And trust me, I am a big girl. I talked to his friends who I had never met before, and then I went home once the set was over.
So here's the thing: I know it was my choice to go to Chinatown, but I did it because it was important to him. Which I finally told him, because he needed to know that friends make sacrifices for other friends when something is important to them. It's part of that whole "give/take" aspect of friendship. It's stewardship. It's selfless. It separates us from the animals, although I have seen animals show a great deal of compassion for each other than we do for our fellow others.
I am by no means perfect. I have not gone to events. But I haven't consistently let people down. That's all these two seem to do, yet seem compelled to patronize and protest to me that they don't. That wonderful aphorism, "Know thyself" comes to mind. I make no qualms about who I am. I know I can be impossible and impatient, but I can also be passionate and understanding. I try not to let people down and I try to love others despite their faults. However, I cannot be a doormat, and there is a fine line between being humble and being a doormat, and that line has been crossed. Once I let the two know how I felt, I retreated. I don't plan on keeping up any correspondence with them, so I should find myself with less disappointment at the end of the day. And that's all I want.
I feel I should be clear and re-iterate that it's not the fact that they didn't show that upsets me. It's that they said they would come and didn't. I have confronted both people about this (my disappointment, hurt, and anger) and with regard to one of them. I trekked to Chinatown on a late Thursday night BY MYSELF to see his band play, only to be ignored because his insecure girlfriend was there. And trust me, I am a big girl. I talked to his friends who I had never met before, and then I went home once the set was over.
So here's the thing: I know it was my choice to go to Chinatown, but I did it because it was important to him. Which I finally told him, because he needed to know that friends make sacrifices for other friends when something is important to them. It's part of that whole "give/take" aspect of friendship. It's stewardship. It's selfless. It separates us from the animals, although I have seen animals show a great deal of compassion for each other than we do for our fellow others.
I am by no means perfect. I have not gone to events. But I haven't consistently let people down. That's all these two seem to do, yet seem compelled to patronize and protest to me that they don't. That wonderful aphorism, "Know thyself" comes to mind. I make no qualms about who I am. I know I can be impossible and impatient, but I can also be passionate and understanding. I try not to let people down and I try to love others despite their faults. However, I cannot be a doormat, and there is a fine line between being humble and being a doormat, and that line has been crossed. Once I let the two know how I felt, I retreated. I don't plan on keeping up any correspondence with them, so I should find myself with less disappointment at the end of the day. And that's all I want.
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