Sex and the City

Today, BFF and I went to an 11:30 a.m. showing of "Sex and the City" because we are fly like that. It was a cute film, and worth the $6 we spent on it. We then went to Chevy's where I ordered 3 sides as a meal, salad, beans, and guacamole. Yums. But why does a "Mexican" restaurant put parmesan cheese on their salad? I just hate that every salad has cheese unless you specify that you don't want any. It was a nice lunch, nevertheless, and I went home to prep for a birthday party later that evening.

These are people that Shorty Rock knows, so I kind of just went along so she wouldn't have to brave the many couples that would be at the dinner. They are very cool people. I think maybe one of the wives was jealous that her husband was talking to us but then I complimented her in the bathroom so I think she calmed down when realizing I wasn't after her man. This is where being single becomes precarious. People start to see you as a threat and don't invite you places. So, one of the guys I think is into SR, and even though he and I have more in common than she does, considering she is about 11 years younger than him and NOT marriage-minded, he is clearly hitting on her. I know she isn't interested, but I don't really think I am either. He just seems like too much of a bachelor, and I would like to meet a man who is ready to eschew some of those luxuries and ready himself for a lifetime commitment. There was another man there who was pretty interesting. He shaves his head, even though it seems he has not gone completely bald, but he was kind of doing his own thing. We talked a little and then he was off talking to the guys.

It was still a fun night anyway, but some of those men smoke quite a bit. It's really noticeable to me now, and if I had a choice I would prefer my future partner not smoke heavily.

Sometimes you just have to dance it out....

Woe is me...

I walked into my house today and decided to throw myself a little pity party by trying to figure out where I have gone wrong in the world of dating. I have only had one serious relationship and started to think maybe I am supposed to be considering a vocation and that's why I haven't met anyone in the past 6 months worthy of a 2nd date. Then I started thinking, "Well, why would I have to go from one extreme to another? I haven't met anyone I could be serious with, ergo, I should be a nun?" All of this thinking and rationalizing led me to my apartment to play "The Sims" and avoid the research I should be doing for my thesis, which frankly, I could give two shits right about now. Lovely attitude huh?

I am tempted to whine about how many people I know are in relationships and seem satisfied, while I wile away my free time playing video games and lamenting my lonely state. I know God doesn't owe me anything, but why do I have to feel so damn destitute. Me thinks today I will go home, immediately change, walk, and then organize my thesis. Good plan...

The great thing about feeling great...

Is that you forgot how crappy you felt last week when you thought you were taking your last breath. I am so happy now that I can breathe better, and I haven't used my inhaler since Saturday! Score!

Now, onto more boring things, if that's even possible. I must do some more research so I can use these passages in my 2nd draft. I will be so happy once this thesis is done, I doubt I will ever endeavor another degree. Well, maybe once I've recovered from this nightmare one. I say a prayer for this every night: a great job where I can feel I make a difference and will support me well. I am on the watch for it, so when a good thing comes along it will nudge me in the right direction. Until then, I will make the most of it here, which incidentally, is not so bad... :)

Holiday housework

Does anyone else use the holiday to catch up on some much needed cleaning? I am proud to say I did, and while I did, I realized I need to fix that shelf where my DVDs go. Not that it's my favorite shelf, but the movies are not in alphabetical order, have not been cataloged, and might need to move into my living room, instead of hanging out in the computer room/study.

Yesterday, I also put away some more sweaters and bulky winter wear, steam cleaned my floors, and cleaned my room. I try to get rid of as much clutter as possible, but I hate those items that really don't have a place. Like my small prayer cards and religious paraphernalia. Although I wouldn't throw them out, I wish I had a better place for them. I think I am in grave danger of becoming an OCD freak.

God bless you this Memorial Day!

BBQ

Since BBQ's are kind of different for me, I can be invited to one and it's like you aren't inviting an extra person. I am the null in a BBQ, because I don't eat meat. I bring my own veggie burgers, which makes it all the more easier for my hosts. So that's what I did today. I brought my spicy chicken burgers (Boca) - delish! Oh, and the macaroni salad was sooooooooo good. Not too much mayo, but it also had tomatoes and peppers. So yummy!

We basically stayed there all day, it was such a small affair. Nobody knows nice single men. Sign of the times.

Spontaneous fun

I was supposed to attend a prayer group today, but due to the lack of attendance, it was canceled. This left me with the whole day to do whatever I wanted. I wound up at the zoo with my sister, nephew, and mother, and at Jersey Gardens.

I am not sure what was going on today, but every man who looked at me or checked me out was either married or with a girlfriend. I think I did look rather cute today, with a yellow dress and leggings and flats. Nothing spectacular. Now, if only I can get AVAILABLE men to look at me...

An open letter...

To Broadcast Urban Networks,

Your media player SUCKS!!! All I ask for is two hours of listening time at work when I like to hear Wendy Williams on WBLS. Is it too much to ask that the player not freeze up during my favorite hour, the advice hour?!?! At 3:08 p.m. everyday, expect the system to crash. Allow for more bandwidth or please bow out of the media player industry, as I can assure you braces can pick up better signals than your stupid ghetto asses.

Thank you.

I just love long weekends...

I have no plans for this weekend. Normally, I plan ahead of time. People ask me to do things at the last minute and I am not available. Well, not this year. Which is probably a good thing. Perhaps I am turning over a new leaf, one that swooshes around in the breeze, rather than falling slowly to the ground. I am looking forward to the extra dia which will allow me to enjoy the wonderful weather we are anticipating.

I am so excited because I see my research starting to have an actual basis. I can see a viable first draft for the end of June. Yippee!! That means I can go to Honduras without all this added stress. I borrowed a book from the library, Happy for no Reason. Not that I am not happy, I am. I just would like extra tools to feel that happiness and joy for the times when I don't feel so hot. I am grateful for finding it, since I have cut out a couple of people from my circle this week, people who are not going to help me go forward, and I am hoping it doesn't hit me later, as these things sometimes do. I doubt it will, because removing these people was like removing an appendix and a spleen. Not exactly vital or necessary.

I have been visualizing my perfect mate, lately, as The Secret suggests. I'll keep you posted on whether it works.

Master of my dominion...

This is how I feel right now, although I know I haven't fully gotten to this stage yet. It's just so funny to me how you can eliminate just a few negative people and distracting factors and voila! New life. I am loving it!

I am pretty excited to finish researching my project. It's getting a lot easier to see it forming into something substantial. I also feel inspired to write about metaphysics and theology post-degree. :-)

I love it when a plan comes together...

Life is funny...

Often times, I think we know where our lives are headed. Really, though, they take some fantastic and wonderful turns. And so, here is my gratitude list for today:

1 - I am thankful for my space heater at work. It keeps my cold heart lukewarm. :-)

2 - I am grateful for the Mucinex DM I took last night. Working wonders for my asthma/cold/sinus infection/bronchitis/arcane illness.

3 - I am happy to be working on this next retreat. It will bring me even more strength and joy!

4 - I am grateful for my car. Even though it chugs gasoline like an Irish sailor, it gets me around and keeps me safe.

5 - I am thankful that now I have positive friends who trust and love me.

6 - I am grateful for my family.

7 - I am happy that summer is coming and warm weather will (soon) be upon us.

8 - I am happy that I am not sad. (nice, huh?)

9 - I am happy that I can still learn more about myself and the people around me. Surprises me everyday!

10 - I am grateful for my new Vegan cookbook.

Coughing sucks! We should boycott it immediately. I am sure I can get a petition signed to rid us of it. Can we expel coughing? ;-)

Breaking out...

Trying to break out of this spell of mine, which is allowing me NOT to research when I should be. It may be because I am not feeling well, so I DO need to cut myself some slack, but I really need to get a 2nd draft done by the end of June. That said, I need to dedicate at least 1-2 hours a day on my thesis. Sure, that means I will not stop working until about 7pm, plus I have to cook and workout, but with a little planning, this may work out well.

I am looking at a friend of mine who makes tons of excuses for why things aren't going the way he wants. Maybe this is why I am not doing so much. Because, compared to him, I am really doing a lot. As much as I want Jesus to take the wheel, I must understand that I am also in the driver's seat. I think Jesus should only take over when you are exhausted. And right now, there is a little energy left in me.

Wisdom: You should always try to surround yourself with people who are moving forward and constantly looking for ways to improve themselves.

Extensions

I usually don't need an extension for anything, but I will have to file one for my thesis. I am bummed, but hopefully, my thesis will be so great that I won't mind so much that it took a year to write. Anyway, the way I feel healthwise, I need time to be on my side. I just can't push myself so hard anymore.

In other news, I am really trying to uphold a vegan diet. I love the foods they promote, and I bought this fabulous book to help me out. I am hoping it will help me get rid of my anemia (my newest and latest problem) :(

Breathing problems.

Because I am having so much trouble swallowing everyone else's BS, I have been coughing and having breathing problems. I went to the allergist, who prescribed two inhalers and nasal spray. I can barely get through speaking a sentence before I wind up coughing. But it will be fine. My friend M came by today, and we had a nice visit. I took her to my favorite health food store (i.e. the only healthfood store) in Passaic. It's still a nice place though. The people are friendly. I bought Rice Dream "ice cream." I tasted it, and it's actually pretty good. Beats milk. :-)

Still no email from my "friend," who after a week, has now been promoted to "frenemy." She can no longer be trusted, given that she hasn't realized how crazy she is and how wrong she was to conjure drama akin to "Gossip Girl." And I don't get paid to listen to her crap, so I am officially DONE.

The dark side of me...

One thing about me that people don't know. If I get angry enough, I will not hesitate to cut someone out of my life. Last night, I was accused of going to a party and ignoring the friend who invited me, and hanging out with the person who she is "in love with" who is avoiding her like the plague. Ok, why is this my problem? Now, I drew the line when she said it seemed like I was intentionally hanging out with him. Well, I wouldn't say I was "hanging out" with him so much as I would say that we were talking. When he left, he didn't say goodbye, and I wasn't bothered by it either. I think that's enough evidence to show that I wasn't hanging out with him, he just happened to be at the bar and we were talking.

The funny thing is, I didn't even want to go to the party. I figured my friend would be too busy talking to everyone else since she knew everyone who was at the party, and I only knew her, her sister (whose party it was), her brother, her husband (YES she is married!!!) and this crush of hers. I say "crush" only because this man is married, and he is not interested. Also, if she were in love with him, she wouldn't be so possessive, jealous, and bitter. I am not interested in this man AT ALL, I just got tired of chasing after her all night, so when he started talking to me, I stayed at the bar. Meanwhile, her husband was hanging around her when he came back from dropping her kids off at their grandmother's, and didn't leave until the guy left. So she attributes the guy leaving to why I then resumed hanging out with her. What she doesn't realize was at that point her husband left too, so she was free to talk to me and the others.

So now I am really angry. Not only have I been the only one to visit her in the past ten years, going to birthday parties for her kids, and just general dinners at her house, but now I am being accused of being disloyal? Oh hell no! I am not putting up with that. I hung up on her, and don't plan on hanging out with her ever again.

Brilliant ideas (an ongoing series)

My old parish is in New York. However, it's so difficult to find parking that the driver who brings us in will normally have to either sit outside throughout the duration of the mass or come into the mass late. So I got this idea...



They should have a radio station that you tune into, where you can still participate in the mass. This concept would be akin to the drive-in, where you can listen to the movie on the radio station. At the appropriate time, communion would be brought out to your car.



So my cousins thought this idea was hilarious and of course took it a step further to a drive-thru mass. You can place your order and say, "No, no, I ordered the number 2! I need two sides of wine!" We got a good laugh out of that, which I hope will be worth it, since I am pretty sure we reserved our spot in hell for all of those unholy jokes.

P.S. I said the radio station could be called WKRIST.



I will let that joke sink in...

Love #

Your Love Number is 1

You tend to be a stubborn lover, holding your ground in every argument You take your time falling in love. You aren't the type to lose perspective. You are loyal (to a fault), and you require the same loyalty in your sweetheart. At your best, you are a wise and inspiring partner - who sticks around.

What Is Your Love Number?

Limerick Lunes

There was a tall girl nicknamed Lexy,

Who everyone thought was real sexy,

She let out a fart,

Which gave them a start,

And they all thought this was unsexy

Mother's day

Well last night I encountered a market of people not yet tapped by Hallmark. The gay partner.
My lesbian cousin recently had a baby, so this mother's day, she was marked to receive a gift. Her mother though, says, "Hey, don't forget there are two mothers this year..." Excuse me. I know, technically, since they are two women raising a child, they are both considered mothers, but only one is really the mother. I know what you're thinking. But what about adopted and foster mothers. Well, actually they are the guardians so they are mothers. But my cousin is the actual mother, and she is actively present in the boy's life. Ergo, she only gets the gift. But you can see the messiness that this caused. And so, when I saw her I said "Happy Mother's day" but first I said "Hi" to her partner. Could that maybe have affected her greeting to me, which was only half-hearted? I don't know, but I don't care. I think this whole day is ridiculous, anyway, and I would like to get out of the gift giving circle. I don't have children. It's expensive being single.

Who needs drugs when you have diet soda?

So I went to a party tonight. I had gone because my friend RP was going to be there and usually I have to drive an hour to see her, and I took advantage of the fact that she would be in town, sans children. The man she has a crush on was there, and she was upset because I was talking to him and he's been avoiding her. Long story short - they get along great but are both married. Not meant to be right now.

The best part of the night - a vodka gimlet and the fight that almost happened when the girls at the party went into the bathroom slammed the door in a 65 year old woman's face. How did I know she was 65, because he daughter (who looked just as old as her mom) kept going on and on about it. Meanwhile, her mom is 65 and hanging out at the VFW bar on a Saturday night. She looked perfectly capable of defending herself. Those two were not shrinking violets.

to prove to you NJ is classy. Earlier that day, I witnessed an almost fight at the dollar store which end with numerous hand gestures and a "your mother!!" insult. Happy Mother's day.

Words and phrases the English language can do without

"Anywho, anyhoo" - Who? Why? Nonono, it's just wrong

"If need be" - Ok, most of us who say this are not in the business of saving lives. Maybe we should leave this phrase for doctors and lawyers and other professionals with dire circumstances at their fingertips. Like, "We will cut off the ventilator if need be," or "If need be, we will go to trial." See how nice that sounds? Not, "We will take the Lincoln tunnel if need be." We are not saving the world from the Jihad. Calm down, muchachos!

"It is what it is" - Well if that isn't a rhetorical conundrum. What is it? It just is. Who are we, now, God? "I am." Oh, so arcane. Lose it!

"[I'm] [He's] [every pronoun] all" - What is that? You're all what? You're all...that? You're all...crazy? You're all...getting on my nerves!!

"What the dilly yo?" - Because no one who evers uses this phrase has ever lived, past, or dreamed of stepping in the 'hood. So stop it. Poser. :-P


P.S. I still don't know what "it" in "It is what it is" is. Can someone let me know?

Are you there God, it's me...

Since I have dabbled in the dating world, I have noticed my boyfriends have gotten better and better. And I realize also that graduate school has brought many new relationships and changes in my life, not to mention my revitalized faith. But now it's time God. I am pretty sure I am ready for a relationship. I have wrestled with the fact that maybe I have commitment issues, that maybe I get tired of people easily, but then I realized that I just needed "me" time. Once I got that, I was good. Things with ASK were wonderful, so now I am ready to take the plunge. I even deleted his number, which means that any day now he should call. Because that's what happens when you decide you have given up. I have seen it happen time and again.

Since I started my diet on Tuesday, I have been doing super well. I am not too crazy about bread, I really just like cake. So on Monday, before I started this whole thing, I decided I would have more than half of those square Pepperidge Farm cakes. Trust me, I could have eaten the whole thing. But I share. So I left the rest for Mum. She laughed when she saw my gargantuan piece of cake, fit for Andre the Giant (R.I.P). But then I cried, "I am going on a diet tomorrow." This is SO a viable defense. So far, I have lost a few pounds. Probably water weight. That's usually what comes off first. I am not heavy, but I want to have a beach body. Hence, the workouts on my total gym while I watch Absolutely Fabulous, because I love the Brits and their humor. I would love to live in London for a year, and wear rainboots for that entire duration, while I sit around drinking tea and exchanging dry wit with fellow intellectuals, saying things like "bloody," "don't get your knickers in a twist," and "are you mad?" That's not a stereotype, is it?

And now I am totally happy, because my AbFab obsession doesn't have to end. I saw an ad, or should I say (ad-ver-TIS-ment) for another Saunders/French series that predates the AbFab days!!! Has Fortune smiled down upon me yet again? Must. buy. series.

The 7th inning S-T-R-E-T-C-H marks

Ok, so get comfy and I will tell you a story. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with lupus. While I was in the hospital getting 80mg of prednisone pumped through an IV, the nurse mentioned that I would have side effects from the medicine, namely stretch marks. I didn't really know much about them, except for the fact that my sister's boyfriend at the time had a few on his biceps (he worked out a lot) and so I didn't realize how big and deep they could get.

Over time, I started getting them. They were white at first, and very small. People said, "Use Vitamin E. Cocoa butter." And then they spread. From my thighs, to my hips, to my calves, and my breasts. I would need to dip myself in a vitamin E bath in order to treat them, not to mention that it's OIL and it will ruin all of your clothes should they come in contact with it.

I love and hate summer. I like to wear dresses, but because these marks are still purple (you think they would fade after 18 years), I am a little self-conscious. Oh. And I am not fat. At all. I am a size 10 and 5'8. With these amount of marks you would think I was over 200 lbs. Not so.

Anyway, I think this will be my last purchase. And my last hope. I am tired of buying all of these products to try to minimize or at least fade them. I don't care if they don't go away, I would just like them to blend in with my skin. Many people have stretch marks, and it's never damaged my self-esteem to the point that I don't attract men. I just want the damn things to fade a little. Is that too much to ask?

On another note, where is my damn stimulus check? I'm fixing to go to the IRS office and shit on their desks. Someone in my office whose last two digits of their social security number is AFTER mine, and filled out their taxes AFTER I did, got their check BEFORE me. Oh, horror of horrors! What if they forgot about me? That money is already spent in my head. Target credit card bill. Yes. Must pay off. Honduras spending money. Come on, Uncle Sam, should I really be made to woefully look on as my friends go horseback riding off into the sunset? I am not particularly fond of the prospect of having to live like the people on Survivor, finding 101 ways to cook rice and coconuts, while everyone else gets to luxuriate and dine out. Just give me my check!!!!

Strumming

Practicing on the guitar is making me develop a sweet callus on my left index finger. It will be nice once it doesn't feel so strange, then it won't hurt to play the guitar. :-)

I decided I need to go on a diet, as much as I don't like the idea. I would rather eat healthy and continue working out, but this is an emergency! I need to lose a few pounds before I go to Honduras. I hate when I go on vacation and agonize over wearing a swimsuit because I didn't lose weight/tone-up. Not this year. i am 34 dammit, and determined to look better than when I was 24. So I am gonna do it. I have a calendar with my weight goals on it. If I stick to it, I can be down to 135 by the trip. I am going to try my hardest and take pics and everything. The real problem is that every time I am doing well, I think I can treat myself or splurge. Can't happen. No splurging. No treats. Just serious ass kicking.

Though I know my body has gotten better because of the total gym. So that's a major plus!

My crazy date...

I thought it was a little odd that J was so anxious to meetup, being that we only started emailing each other the day before. This was a much quicker in-person meeting than ASK, but nonetheless, I agreed to meet for a drink.

First, I should say that I found it a bit odd that I told J I hardly drink anymore, and now he is suggesting meeting for a drink. What if I was a recovering alcoholic? His lack of attention to what I said was a little unnerving, but I went anyway.

I went to meet him at The Bar. Yes, I said The Bar. That was the name of the place. At least I have to thank them for not being presumptuous and naming themselves "The Office" or something equally obnoxious.

J mentioned he was a Yankees fan. I know there are worse habits than being hooked to a baseball team, but when you meet someone for a date, you might not want to put them in a place where if you aren't having a good time, at least you can watch the game. You should be made to endure the time as well, without any lovely distractions, especially since you infringed on my plans by asking me to meet you AFTER I had my night planned. So, we say hello and he is half watching and talking to me, half watching the game. Polite and suave, I really hit the jackpot.

A few gems from the evening:

"Every girl, or woman, I like doesn't like me. I always get the crazy ones."

"When I don't want to see a girl anymore, I just stop calling her. I can't bring myself to tell her that I don't want to see her anymore."

"I don't think there are happy people in this world."

"Just call me Mr. Jaded. I've heard it all."

"I tried to kiss this girl once, because I thought she was interested in me. She shot me down. I was so hurt that I didn't talk to her for the rest of the [two hour] hike."

After he bestowed me with these verbal jewels, he asked me out to dinner. When he asked me again in email, I told him I couldn't accept the invitation as a date, and since he wasn't interested in reasons, I would just leave it at that. See? I listen. Anyway, like most dates or men I meet who pale in comparison to ASK, I wound up missing him more...

What to do?

So it goes.

spring is in the air...

Aside from the random emails from my ex-boyfriend which have been rather chummy, I seem to have attracted another man into my world. He is a hiker, and he lives in the next town over. I am already feeling the walls pop up, as I think about the many things about me he will have to accept. So I am taking a step back and taking it easy. I have absolutely no expectations of a romance, partly because of my history, and partly because I know how tough it will be for someone to understand my allegiance to Catholicism. So be it. I know the right man won't care, and he will see me and love me for who I am.

Ok, so back to the ex. After I found out he had a baby last year, I sent some polite email saying congratulations and asking him if he got married or was with the girl (just out of curiosity, since I know he had an aversion to commitment). No answer. A year later, he sends me pics of his kid. What am I supposed to say? Of course, I say, "How cute?" But really, I am thinking, "Why are you sending me pictures of your son like we just spoke yesterday?" I haven't heard from him in a year and I haven't spoken to him on the phone in almost 3 years. Why should I care about your son's development (God bless him, I don't want anything to happen to him but come on, this is NOT my friend)? He won't tell me why he is emailing me, but he clearly "googled" my name, because he found some articles I published online and remarked about how good they were....mmmm....thanks....but why are you emailing me? One more email from him and I will ask him, I won't be mean about it but I will respond with something like, "Hey, I am really enjoying this exchange and all, but is there any particular reason you decided to reach out? I am just curious since we haven't spoken in almost a year." Since he can't be direct, I am going to have to pull it out of him. Not much has changed since we broke up.